I love Halloween. I definitely takes the cake (candy) as the most fun holiday. It is also a rare holiday in that the consumerism aspect (getting and consuming mass quantities of sugar), is equalled and maybe surpassed by the human aspect. Halloween involves creativity, time connecting (even briefly) with strangers, time spent with friends and/or family while trick-or-treating or partying, and lots of conversations about costumes.

Another thing that I look forward to every year is the unique stress-relieving qualities of the jack-o-lantern. It starts with letting the creative part of the brain go free to come up with a design. Then there’s the tactile experience of hollowing out the pumpkin, which involves slight physical exertion and plenty of textures and sensations. Same with the carving. I find that hollowing out and carving a pumpkin is one of the few activities where I am automatically fully present and where I experience with all of my senses. The laughter, the feel of the pumpkin beneath my fingers, the smell of the pumpkin, and the taste of the crunchy pumpkin flesh combine to make me feel happy and relaxed.

Once the carving is finished, there is still another stress relieving activity: cleaning and toasting the pumpkin seeds. I know some people hate the sensation of pumpkins seeds slipping along their skin in a bowl of water, but I find the sensation to be like a light hand massage. It feels so good, and I look forward to it all year. And then there’s the wonderful smell of the toasted seeds coming out of the oven and the taste of warm, salted seeds to cap it all off.

This year I reclaimed the jack-o-lantern process. Our old neighborhood was one of those places where a pumpkin left outside overnight will not last the night intact. Combined with the fact that I am allergic to squash (including pumpkin), and my enthusiasm was dampened and I gave up on carving a jack-o-lantern. In our inaugural Halloween in our new house, though, I couldn’t abstain. So I carved my pumpkin while wearing nitrile gloves to keep my hands from breaking out in a rash. I only had one tiny nibble of pumpkin flesh. I did the first part of the pulp/seed separation in gloves. But the gloves came off so that I could feel the seeds on my skin as I swished them around in a bowl. The smell of toasted pumpkin seeds nearly drove me nuts, but I controlled myself enough to avoid tasting in the hopes that in a few years my allergy will be gone. And I am at peace knowing that this year our pumpkins will be composted, not trashed.

I declared the month of October to be “No More Excuses, Just Do It” month for me. You know how sometimes you have to really focus on something that you want to change to get momentum for the change? You know how it’s harder to regain a good habit than it is to lose a good habit? Well that’s what I need to do, and I’m sick of internal excuses.

The relatively easy stuff that I am focusing on this month is regaining the good habits. During this whole move process I did manage to maintain lots of good habits, like eating a vegetable snack instead of crackers in the afternoons; but I also had to drop some good habits. Some things had to be dropped from my regular routine in order to have time to clean the new house, take care of transferring utilities etc., select and install the new flooring, pack, move, unpack, and take care of the little things that come up during a move. What got pushed aside? Running, strength training, meditating at night, and getting to bed before midnight. Since I was getting to bed late, I was having trouble getting up in the morning and not getting to work before 9, which then made evenings feel frantic. As soon as the unpacking was mostly done I started running again because the urge was so strong, but everything else is still a struggle to get back.

The more challenging stuff that I want to hit hard and make some changes are the lifestyle changes that I’ve been “trying” to make, but failing. These include journalling regularly, and not eating dinner in front of the TV. They were both goals from last February that I have not been able to meet yet. Not meeting them has become a psychological burden because they are important to me and I am upset with myself for not committing.

So, without further ado:

I, Maya Key, hereby commit, during this month of October 2010, to do the following:

• Wake up with my alarm (7ish) and actually get out of bed
• Get to work well before 9
• Leave work by 5:45
• Restart my strength training regimen
• Not eat dinner in front of the TV
• Meditate for 10 minutes every night
• Get to bed by 11 or 11:30
• Journal on weekends or as needed

Today (yesterday) was a truth day. That’s what I call the first day of menstruation when I am forcefully made aware of problems in my life that need to be resolved. This was an interesting truth day. Usually they fall into two categories: hunky-dory and “I need a cry and a hug please” downer days. I like the hunky-dory months best. Not just because the day goes by okay, but also because it means that I don’t have any personal blockages at that time. I’m not as much of a fan of the downer days (who is?). The biggest problem with the downer days is not the day itself, it’s realizing that I have a personal blockage that I don’t want to fix. If I wanted to fix it, it wouldn’t get stuck. My recent personal blockages have mostly been communication based. Learning how to walk that thin line of not nagging and not martyring when communicating with my husband has been kind of like pin ball using downer days to make me realize when something needs fixing. (Although it is comforting to know that I can’t accidentally self-martyr; I’ll realize it at least when I get the downer day.)

This month, though, was both a hunky-dory day and a downer day. The day started bad. Dizzy, nauseous, wobbly, exhausted, draggy, and near tears. That was my morning. It was great. The personal blockage: I’m doing to much. I’m trying to work full time without using my vacation time before we move, scrub a new 1,500 sq.ft house top to bottom, deal with getting the house move-in-ready (locksmith, A/C tune up, electrician, phone, address change, refrigerator, …), and deal with getting new floors in place in time. I know that I’m not going to get a day to relax for a couple more weeks, and I promise that I will take at least a couple of weeks to just enjoy our new house after we move. I sat there at my desk feeling down this morning and not seeing a way out. All of the solutions that I thought of led to other, sometimes bigger problems. So I resigned myself to having a really bad day for the next couple of weeks.

Then at some point I realized that I was fine. I had energy, a smile, felt fine, and instead of feeling near tears I could feel my core of inner strength. I don’t think I’ve ever had a half-downer/half-hunky-dory truth day before. Analyzing it like I would a dream my conclusion is that I’m really happy right now because I’m realizing a dream of being a homeowner. Life is beautiful right now. Life is awesome right now. But my body gave me a warning shot: I’m pushing myself too hard right now and cannot sustain this pace for too much longer. Apparently my body and my subconscious are looking forward to moving into our house as well, they don’t want to stop the preliminary work, they just want to make sure I take a personal vacation after the move. (I promise.)