Archive for the ‘help’ Tag

Purge To a Simple Life?   2 comments

During this year’s winter purge/Advent season I have also been thinking about discernment of my calling. I feel very strongly drawn to simplifying my life, and in the last few years have been working towards that overarching goal. I thought maybe this year I’d look at purging not just my physical stuff, but also my routines and commitments.¬†Unfortunately I have a really hard time with this kind of purging.

A couple of years ago I started shedding myself of commitments, and at the time all of my commitments were shed-worthy. They were organizations that just weren’t justifying my level of activity, so I dropped them or significantly curtailed my activity. Now, however, I have picked up new commitments (nature abhors a vacuum?) that I love, and so I am torn between conflicting desires. For years I have wished every week at Mass that I could sing in a choir again, so when the opportunity arose I jumped at it. It’s most certainly not an ideal situation since I end up cantoring much of the time and I am not happy/comfortable with that, however, since the alternative is to give up something that gives me great joy and go back to wishing that I were doing what I am doing right now… I think putting up with a non-ideal situation is best because at least then I do get the times of pure unadulterated joy when I get to sing my heart out. Similarly, I have wished for a setting for group prayer since college and finally last year I realized that I need to step up and organize it instead of wishing. So now I am nominally in charge of a weekly prayer (intentions, contemplation, and meditation) group. Unfortunately, these things pull me away from home, and I am a homebody at heart. Being away from home is stressful and one of the hallmarks of a simpler life is to not be always rushing around to outside commitments. I don’t know how to balance these competing desires.

And then there’s simplifying life in the home. I know that I should theoretically be able to do this. I am notorious for making life difficult on myself, and that is the root of the problem. This is a very long process and I’m barely in the middle of it. As much as requesting help would be a good idea, I also know from experience that I’ll get defensive and resistant to any help that might come my way. I guess that’s part of the challenge of life: the things we most need help with are the very things that we are least willing and able to accept help with.


Posted December 21, 2010 by mayakey in musings, psychology, simple living

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